A Guest Post from my Partner, Kirsty
To my sons,
You are twenty weeks in utero as I write this. We have just come home after seeing you both at the twenty week scan, hearts beating, hands moving, feet kicking. I feel compelled to write this now because suddenly you have both become very real to me – I have been so excited about you before you were even conceived, but today was the day when I saw you both on that screen and, for the first time so far, instead of thinking ‘I’m going to be a mum’ I thought, ‘I’m going to be your mum.’
I am so, so excited to be your mum.
You should know how wanted you both are. There will always be someone, somewhere, ready to tell you that there is only one right way, and that is between a man and a woman, naturally, unless there is a need for medical assistance or intervention. People like to hold on to what they know. There might even be a time when you question whether or not it’s okay that you have two mothers, whether or not it’s okay that you have me; the person who played no biological part in creating you. I want you to look at it this way – biologically, we aren’t related. I didn’t grow either of you, I won’t give birth to either of you. You are not my biological responsibility, but I chose to be legally reponsible for you before you were even conceived. I have chosen to love you, to raise you, laugh, cry and adapt with you. I have chosen to sacrifice things for you, to experience things with you. I have chosen to be there for you. You are my choice; I am your mother.
Every family has their own dynamic and I don’t believe that there is any one ‘right’ way or set up. It’s okay to love who you love. People are just people, after all; every person is a person and they each have a brain and a heart and lungs and thoughts and dreams and faults. It doesn’t matter whether a person is a man or a woman – you are free to love them, to connect with them how you see fit. I’m grateful that I’m free to love – it’s brought me here, to this point in time where we are establishing this little family and getting everything prepared for your arrival. I wouldn’t wish to be anywhere else, or to love anyone else; you, us, we, them, we are all part of a unit now, of a family.
When people question your circumstances, remember that they will never know your life as well as you do. Remember that people won’t ever all agree on one thing; there will always be divisions and questions and doubt. Sometimes people will challenge you or even try to make you feel bad about your family set-up, so remember that what is right for us may not be right for them, and what is right for them may not be what is right for us. You’re okay, we’re okay, everything is happy and secure and right, and there’s nothing here to be ashamed of.
Keep growing happily in there. We’re waiting for you out here with much excitement.
All my love,
The Tall Mum
POSTED BY KIRSTY