Father’s Day for Two-Mum Families

On Sunday was our first Father’s Day as parents.

My twitter feed throughout the day was full of messages of gratitude to the fathers of their children, full of pictures of happy children dangling monkey-like from around their father’s necks.  And – it made me think.

Because my children won’t have that.  They won’t get to make a sticky, ugly card for their father at school or to choose him a tie or a fun gadget from the kitchen.

And as a parent you want your children to have everything that their friends do.  But we’ve chosen for our twins and subsequent children not to have this, not to participate in the ritual that is Father’s Day.

Now that the twins are here, I’m not sure how I feel about that.

I checked to see what my fellow two-mum families were doing for Father’s Day.  I loved this post by Clara about her wife Kirsty’s Mama’s Day.  It sounds as though they have hit upon a solution that works really well for their family and it sounds as though they didn’t even had to compromise.

Would a similar solution work for us?  We had planned to use Father’s Day as an opportunity to celebrate our sperm donor and the modern thinking that made our family possible but, well, I’m not sure that the twins can celebrate that at school.  Imagine the card: glittery sperm penetrating a tissue-paper egg, anyone?  ‘Thank You For Inseminating My Mother’? *NB: Technically I wasn’t inseminated, but the idea of this message made me chuckle too much not to share it.

Kirsty and I like sharing Mother’s Day.  Neither of us want to celebrate something else and we don’t particularly want a day to ourselves.  We’re mothers.  We didn’t want somebody else’s day.  We don’t want to rename another day.  We don’t want a random day in the year chosen by us, either.

We want to share.  We want to celebrate Mother’s Day together, to celebrate the mother that birthed them and the mother that does such an incredible job of staying home with them.

I suppose that it comes down to who the day is really for.  Is it for the parent as a reward for the hard work that they put in to the raising of a child?  Is it a celebration of the parent-child bond?

And if it’s just for the parent, does it matter if the child misses an opportunity to make a ‘thank you’ card at nursery, or stand up in assembly and talk about who he loves?

I don’t know.  I’m really glad that we have a few years to figure this out.

Are you a same-sex couple or a single parent by choice?  What do you do about Father’s Day/Mother’s Day?

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5 Comments

  1. June 24, 2015 / 10:08 pm

    for what it’s worth my Dad thinks Fathers Day is a dreaded Americanism and has never wanted to celebrate it. He’s in the minority but it shows it’s not as ubiquitous as Mother’s Day so you might get away with skipping it – though the glittery sperm card sounds amazing!

  2. June 24, 2015 / 10:25 pm

    I have two Dads in my life – my biological father and then my step dad who has been there since I was 18 months old. I didn’t meat bio dad until I was 17 and he has never been a dad to me. My step dad gave me away at our wedding but he has been distant in recent years and so really now I don’t feel like I have much of a Dad at all. On the flip side, I haven’t seen my mum in 7+ years. I find both Fathers Day and Mothers Day difficult to say the least. I think your boys, with two Mums that love and care for them and chose to bring them into the world, surrounded by that love, won’t even blink an eye at the fact they don’t celebrate Fathers Day – it will probably be more common that we realise by that point x

  3. June 25, 2015 / 1:42 pm

    I think this post hits the nail on the head for me as the comment above.
    It is a day to be celebrated but I am not sure I need that day, I personally having 2 sets of parents find it nothing but a stressful day for me as it is about competition for my real parents, where in fact I want to celebrate more my step parents, as they choose to be in my life and are awesome.

    I say do whatever makes you happy, thats how life should be, I have decided after our Mothers/Fathers day always seem to be ruined to pick a day as family day, to celebrate our love for our little family xx

  4. June 25, 2015 / 3:00 pm

    I’m not in a same sex couple, so alas I don’t have any fabulous tried and tested resolution, but I used to work in a nursery and one of the children had 2 Mums. One would have her Mother’s day the night before and Mother’s Day morning, and the other from lunchtime Mother’s Day until the next day.
    I actually think it was more just an excuse for flouncing around in pyjamas for hours, eating many chocolates, two nice evening meals IN A ROW and frankly just spoiling themselves entirely for the whole weekend. I was so jealous…..

  5. June 25, 2015 / 3:03 pm

    The whole point in mentioning working in the nursery was so I could say they usually have something else lined up because lots of children do not have a Dad present for a multitude of reasons. And the only bad news is they have the same amount of time, but have to make two Mother’s Day cards. I completely forgot all that because I was imagining a weekend of flouncing around in my pyjamas eating chocolates and being spoilt!

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