On Sunday was our first Father’s Day as parents.
My twitter feed throughout the day was full of messages of gratitude to the fathers of their children, full of pictures of happy children dangling monkey-like from around their father’s necks. And – it made me think.
Because my children won’t have that. They won’t get to make a sticky, ugly card for their father at school or to choose him a tie or a fun gadget from the kitchen.
And as a parent you want your children to have everything that their friends do. But we’ve chosen for our twins and subsequent children not to have this, not to participate in the ritual that is Father’s Day.
Now that the twins are here, I’m not sure how I feel about that.
I checked to see what my fellow two-mum families were doing for Father’s Day. I loved this post by Clara about her wife Kirsty’s Mama’s Day. It sounds as though they have hit upon a solution that works really well for their family and it sounds as though they didn’t even had to compromise.
Would a similar solution work for us? We had planned to use Father’s Day as an opportunity to celebrate our sperm donor and the modern thinking that made our family possible but, well, I’m not sure that the twins can celebrate that at school. Imagine the card: glittery sperm penetrating a tissue-paper egg, anyone? ‘Thank You For Inseminating My Mother’? *NB: Technically I wasn’t inseminated, but the idea of this message made me chuckle too much not to share it.
Kirsty and I like sharing Mother’s Day. Neither of us want to celebrate something else and we don’t particularly want a day to ourselves. We’re mothers. We didn’t want somebody else’s day. We don’t want to rename another day. We don’t want a random day in the year chosen by us, either.
We want to share. We want to celebrate Mother’s Day together, to celebrate the mother that birthed them and the mother that does such an incredible job of staying home with them.
I suppose that it comes down to who the day is really for. Is it for the parent as a reward for the hard work that they put in to the raising of a child? Is it a celebration of the parent-child bond?
And if it’s just for the parent, does it matter if the child misses an opportunity to make a ‘thank you’ card at nursery, or stand up in assembly and talk about who he loves?
I don’t know. I’m really glad that we have a few years to figure this out.
Are you a same-sex couple or a single parent by choice? What do you do about Father’s Day/Mother’s Day?
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