Same-Sex Families, Identity and Blogging

When I started this blog I knew that there wouldn’t be very many families like ours putting themselves out there publically.  I found My Two Mums very early on – before I even purchased my domain – and devoured their family tales.  I loved how dynamic they seemed as a family, getting out and about with their little boy ‘Monkey’.

I could also tell from their blogging awards and nominations, not to mention the impressive follower count on Twitter, how accepted their family was in the blogging community.  It gave me courage to start my own blog about our little family and I was so happy to receive my first blog comment that I nearly cried.  When My Two Mums started following us on Twitter I was a bit star struck and since then I’m proud to say that Kirsty and Clara, who write My Two Mums have become my friends.

Recently we were discussing the importance of visibility for families like ours.  There aren’t many of us so sometimes we have to shout a bit louder.  Whilst we obviously can’t go about in real life screaming about what super parents we are and how we’re raising loved and balanced children, our blogs do an excellent job of doing that for us and standing up for other same-sex families.

Today I am sharing with you my three favourite UK-based two-mummy family blogs.

The aforementioned My Two Mums consists of Kirsty, Clara and their delightful two year old, ‘Monkey’.  I asked Kirsty what she thought about the importance of representing family diversity through our blogs.  “How we define (ourselves) is different within what society would like to label us.  For example, we may both be same sex parents, you and I.  But our family makeup differs.  We are both attracted to women but differ in how we wish to appear.  I think it’s great that we get to use social media to redefine “family”.’

This is such an important point.  What do people think of when they think of lesbians?  Cropped hair and dungarees?  When I was in secondary school a relative of mine was adamant that one of my friends was a lesbian because she wore a rucksack (she isn’t).  Blogging gives us a platform to be more than a stereotype.  We can wear a bow tie (Kirsty from My Two Mums) or one of my many long floaty skirts and heels (me, obviously).  And our family make-up can be two bow ties or two floaty skirts or anything in between and that’s totally fine too.  Just like heterosexual couples, we’re all different.

Amy and Laura from Forgot the Sperm had an exciting recent announcement: they’re having a baby!  They have blogged eloquently about their conception struggles and so I literally squealed out loud when I saw their pregnancy announcement on Facebook.  Laura had the following to say: “For us being an LGBT family is about love. It’s about making a family that we are proud of and helping others to realise that having a family is completely possible for same sex parents. I can’t wait to have our baby and raise them with my wife! Every day is an adventure.”

Having a family can be more of a challenge for a two-mum family and there’s a lot more to think about: sourcing and choosing a donor; methods of conception; exposing children to role models of the opposite sex to the parents (is this necessary?); navigating a society designed for a one-man-one-woman parental unit.  But it IS possible even if it takes a little more effort and I feel strongly that our blogs have a unique role in proving that both to society and to that man or woman wondering if they could do the same.

Finally, I spoke to Kate who blogs at Les be Mums.  Kate and her wife Sharon recently welcomed beautiful baby ‘T’, whose baby pictures are currently making me feel tremendously broody.  Kate said:  “When I think same sex families, I think amazing strength. I think about the strength it’s taken us to create our family and the strength to parent. But I also think about the strength we’ve needed to justify our family, justify our love, and justify our existence. We are an LGBT family, and we are strong.”

We are strong.  So strong.  Every day we expose ourselves to potential disapproval just by leaving the house.  At home, we share intimate pieces of ourselves on the internet, ‘approve’ the positive comments and delete the vitriol that is occasionally spewed at us.  And then we write some more.  I like to think that because of our blogs, people in similar situations feel less alone, teenagers dealing with the implications of their sexuality feel less afraid.

We are the generation that is going to normalise same-sex families.  Our blogs are our powerful voices.

I’m really proud to stand up with these ladies and be a part of that.

My Two Mums and Goblin Child have made it to the finals in the Mad Blog Awards!  We would love it if you would vote for us to win in the Best Baby (Goblin Child), Best Family Fun (My Two Mums) and Best Photography (Goblin Child) categories.

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10 Comments

  1. June 4, 2015 / 8:05 pm

    Very well said. One of the great advantages of the social media generation is the gaining of a window into someone else’s life and the empathy and understanding that comes with that. I really think sexuality as a whole will be much more ‘normalised’ for our children’s generation growing up, and I’m so glad about that.

  2. June 4, 2015 / 8:38 pm

    Great post and thank you so much for the kind words and including our comments. I am thankful for those who stand up and share visibility for the future generations to look up to. We are changing lives.

  3. June 4, 2015 / 9:14 pm

    well deserved finalists too. Good luck. I totally agree with what you’ve wrote about same sex families.

  4. Shivie P
    June 4, 2015 / 9:22 pm

    What a great post. I have 4 kids (3 boys (aged 6, 4 & 3) and a daughter aged 16 months). I hope that when they are as old as me (39!) that families whatever their make up will be normal and accepted by all. Your blogging, is a step towards this I think. Your family is amazing as all families are.

  5. June 4, 2015 / 11:25 pm

    What a great post. I love how you show that the blogging community as a whole shows little prejudice. I have found this with having a disabled child to.
    I love learning more of your journey just as I do a blog of a single mum or a hetrosexual couple.

    I think you are paving a great path for all those ladies years behind on the path.

    Out of interest on your journey have you ever found shy male UK same sex family bloggers ??

  6. C
    June 5, 2015 / 1:53 pm

    Thanks for other blog recommendations. My partner & I are about to try for a baby, and look forward to exploring other two family blogs.

    Thank you for making your beautiful family visible on the internet. We need this.

  7. June 5, 2015 / 4:00 pm

    Great post. I appreciate blogs like all of yours raising awareness as for our eldest girls (I’m their step-mum) they have three Mum’s and they tell people so. Obviously me, and then their Mum and her partner Kerry. Kerry and I aren’t biologically mothers to them, but we are definitely the Mums. In fact Kerry, who is very masculine in her choices of dress and hair is more maternal than the girls Mummy. It’s hard that people assume because she doesn’t dress girlie she’s the one that’s not so hands on. Stereotypes are so wrong. My sister and her partner and both long haired girlie blondes and people just assume they’re best friends. They couldn’t possibly be lesbians because they’re so girlie. Haha, it’s funny isn’t it? I recommended your blog to her as they’re exploring their options for children in the future. Eek, I can’t wait to be an auntie xxx

  8. Ayesha
    January 8, 2017 / 10:15 am

    Great post. I appreciate blogs like all of yours raising awareness as for our eldest girls (I’m their step-mum) they have three Mum’s and they tell people so. Obviously me, and then their Mum and her partner Kerry. Kerry and I aren’t biologically mothers to them,

  9. Noor Khan
    January 8, 2017 / 10:16 am

    Great post. I appreciate blogs like all of yours raising awareness as for our eldest girls (I’m their step-mum)

  10. saqib
    January 8, 2017 / 10:17 am

    Thanks for other blog recommendations. My partner & I are about to try for a baby, and look forward to exploring other two family blogs.

    Thank you for making your beautiful family visible on the internet. We need this.

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