Overdue limbo is a funny place to be. When my twin daughters went overdue I felt as though I was losing my mind, as though my body had failed me; every day I woke up close to tears because nothing had happened and I wanted to give the girls the time they needed in order to be ready to be born but I was also so afraid – that I was making the wrong decision, that their placentas would fail, that they would be harmed and it would be my fault. I was afraid, with the size of them and me, that I would rupture and bleed out on the carpet. I was afraid to leave behind my workplace, when I had been employed there for a mere six months and everything still felt so new. I wanted so badly for the girls to arrive and the stress to end.
With this little baby, I am less concerned. It is easier to be carrying just the one; single babies go past their due date often, and are usually fine. So are their mothers. I have been working for my current employer for almost three years; I know that he will miss me, but I also know that a little separation is not a bad thing – it will, I hope, remind him how fortunate he is to have me! And whilst I am away, I will be covered by our excellent team assistant; she won’t let things fall apart.
I am trying to take each day as it comes. Last week, the children came down with horrible colds just as I passed my due date and I was tremendously glad to have this little baby safely nestled inside of me, away from the sad and sorry toddlers. With four little ones on Calpol and forty weeks of baby sitting on my bladder I didn’t manage to get much sleep at all, but I can only imagine how much more gruelling it would have been with a newborn cluster feeding instead. And now we have the boys’ birthday tomorrow, followed by Halloween, and perhaps it would be better to keep our tiny friend on the inside for now. I have promised myself that unless there is a medical reason to feel anxious or concerned, I will give this baby the full forty-two weeks before deciding that my body is broken or that I need to worry. And I trust completely the midwives whom I am seeing this Saturday and the next; if anything is wrong, they will know. For now, I am going to soak up every moment of our little family just as we are now, before everything changes.
Home improvements have been keeping us busy for the past month or so, and it is so lovely to see our little home coming together. It has made me fall in love with Kirsty just that little bit more, as I sat on my birth ball as though it were a throne and pointed about the room, and she made our house a home, and I feel so lucky to be surrounded by such good people, such kind people, my beautiful partner and our sweet children, in this dear little home. And I want to show off her hard work, so I thought perhaps you would enjoy having a little nose at our house, room by room. It’s not finished yet but as far as works-in-progress go, I am rather pleased.
So, this is our living room. Nothing in this room is part of any kind of collaboration with a brand, but as I’m going to talk about where I bought things I’ll link to the small businesses, because we should support small businesses.
Kirsty knitted this blanket for the baby. She finally finished it last week and I felt this tremendous wave of peace wash over me, as though I could finally have this baby. But then… I didn’t.
‘YOU AND ME & TWINS & TWINS & BABY’ and the three rainbows are both from Eleanor Bowmer. Her work is thoroughly charming, and the prices very reasonable, we have quite a lot of her prints in the house!
‘POWER’ is by Camilla Perkins. I fell deeply in love with it a few months ago; my only sadness is that I couldn’t buy the original.
‘Proud Bodies’ is by Fotini Tikkou. It makes me smile every time I look at it.
Embroidery is again by my lovely Kirsty. If you’re not already following her embroidery account on insta, you should be!
The toddlers are, of course, by me – I grew those myself..!
It’s not finished yet; I want house plants and to frame some of the children’s art, to upgrade the rug to something bigger and more colourful and I’m wondering if I could squodge in a few more framed photographs of the tiddlers. But we’re getting there. And I can hardly believe that in a matter of days, if all goes well, our fifth baby will be born here – in a pool in the corner, perhaps, beneath the fairy lights. And we’ll finally know if it’s a sweet little boy or a darling girl, kiss its little face and introduce it to its brothers and sisters. Here, in this room.
I can be patient for that.