An Open Letter to the Twins’ Sperm Donor

To the man who made my children possible,

I know a surprising amount about you.  I know your hobbies and interests, your highest level of education, how many siblings you have and their sexes.  I have heard your voice in an interview with a psychologist from the clinic and I have read a paragraph about their own impressions of you.

I even know what you looked like as a baby, thanks to a photograph that you shared.  You bear such a resemblance to my one of my sons that it takes my breath away, that I feel sure that if you bumped into us on the street you would know that he is of your genetic material.  He has your astonishing blue eyes.  Lysander’s twin, Balthazar, looks very much like me and my side of the family, but Lysander is all you.

You wrote a letter to the parents of the children who would, in the future, be conceived with your sperm.  You urged us to ‘cherish’ them.  I want you to know how loved they are, this little boy who looks like you and his twin, who is all me.  I want you to know that every day, every night even at roughly three hours apart, we wake up glad to have them.  We love them fiercely even in our darkest moments of parenthood.

Bringing children into our family was not a decision that we undertook lightly.  We worried about this implications for our children as a result of having two mums: Would they be bullied at school?  Would they resent us?  Would they feel that we had deprived them of a father?  Before we came to a decision we had many angst-filled conversations with friends and even saw a fertility and family counsellor.  We wanted to be sure that we were having a baby for the right reasons, that our decision was not to the detriment of the child that we loved even before they were conceived.

Meeting our sons was the defining moment of my adult life.  They are everything.  And being parents has been the making of us; we have always been deeply in love and our relationship has always been strong, but knowing each other in our new roles of ‘mummy’ has left us in awe of each other.

When they turn eighteen, if they want to, the twins will be given your name, passport number and last known address, in accordance with your wishes.  Our gift to them will be plane tickets so that if they wish, they can come and find you.  Thank you for giving them this option.  I hope that one day you will meet our beautiful boys and be proud of the part that you played in their creation.

Thank you for believing in families like ours.  Without you, our children would not have happened.  The role that you played in creating our family will never be forgotten.

With love from Amber
‘Mummy’ to our twins